Some wives are brutally honest, aren’t they? A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The man says: “what’s the problem officer?” officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.” Man: “no sir, I was going 65.” Wife: “Oh, harry. You were going 80.” Officer: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.” Man: “broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!” Wife: “Oh harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.”
Officer: “I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.” Man: “Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.” Wife: “Oh harry, you never wear your seat belt.” Finally the husband turned to his wife and yells: “Shut your mouth, woman!” Then the officer turns to the woman and asks, “Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?” To which she replied, “No, only when he’s drunk.”
Unfortunately many couples do not see the warning signs that their marriage is going the wrong direction or is in trouble. Thankfully once we recognize these warning signs we can make the proper changes in our marriage to make it a meaningful marriage.
SIGN #1: UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Husbands and wives buy into the myth that their spouse is always going to be perfect and that their spouse can meet all of their needs. The truth is that no one is neither perfect nor can one person meet all your needs. The only one who is perfect and able to meet all of our needs is Jesus Christ. Be careful to not try to change your spouse to be something that they are not.
(Genesis 2:18 ESV) Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
SIGN #2: INTERFERENCE FROM THE IN-LAWS
Transitioning from our past home to our future home can be a tricky and difficult process, but one we must all go through. As we transition into our new family we have to be careful to not drag the in-laws into our disagreements as husband and wife. As well we must refuse to turn to our in-laws to meet our financial needs. i encourage all couples to take their bills and debts to god and ask him for help!
(Genesis 2:24 ESV) Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
SIGN #3: SELFISHNESS
Why do we fight and fuss over every little thing between each other? Because of selfishness, we want our way right now. If we embrace this motto we are assured of destroying the marriage. When a couple believes marriage is more about self-fulfillment than self-denial it will soon self-destruct. A marriage is not about anybody’s way but god’s way. God’s way is that as a husband and wife we should complement each other, and work together as a team.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-5 ESV) “Love is…does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…”
SIGN #4: MONEY MANAGEMENT
The number one issue that couples fight over is money. Money can be a dagger that drives a wedge between you and your spouse. Usually In Every Marriage One Spouse Is Tight With The Money And The Other Spouse Is Loose With The Money. This Is A Recipe For Disaster. A good simple rule for money management is give 10% of your income to God, save 10% for emergency and retirement and live off of 80%. If you cannot live off of 80% of your income than you are living beyond your means. In addition may I say you manage your money in the order just mentioned.
SIGN #5: OVER COMMITMENT
Once we get married it is easy to forget our spouse and their needs and over-commit ourselves to our job, church and children. As a result our spouse may struggle with loneliness and depression. Often to fill this need they will pursue other relationships that can be detrimental to the marriage. Therefore, always make sure your spouse is a priority in your life and schedule time to be with each other. each day we should have a time to talk and laugh together. If you don’t your spouse may find someone else who will talk and listen.
SIGN #6: OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR
Our obsessive behaviors are always manifested through our relationships. When we fail to deal with unresolved emotions in our lives these emotions can trigger obsessive behavior towards our spouse. This behavior can cause a wall between you and your spouse and greatly damage the marriage.
It is necessary to identify our obsessive behaviors and confront the unresolved emotions that linger in our lives. Learning through counseling that these behaviors are not normal and making the choice to change goes a long way to overcoming obsessive behavior.
SIGN #7: SUBSTANCE ABUSE
When problems arise in our marriage many people begin to abuse drugs and alcohol. This abuse only covers and compounds the problems within the marriage. Substance abuse will always be a barrier to a healthy and meaningful marriage.
SIGN #8: PORNOGRAPHY
we don’t like to talk about this subject because it is embarrassing. yet it is a common problem in marriages. Pornography leads to unrealistic expectations for our spouse and becomes a point of conflict between a husband and wife. Nearly all men and women who are addicted to pornography were exposed to pornography as a child. Without exception those who are addicted to pornography end up becoming violent in their relationships, unless they get immediate help.
SIGN #9: EMPTY NEST
After many years of building our life around our children the shock of them not being around can be devastating. In addition not being needed can make us feel empty inside. To overcome the empty nest syndrome we must exercise wisdom. The wisdom of god in our hearts and minds will give us his perspective and create a better outlook on life. In addition it will give us the discernment to transition into a new phase of your life.
SIGN #10: LOW SELF-ESTEEM
When we think poorly of ourselves it affects our ability to properly love others in our life. God values you and me so much he sent his only son for us so we might have an eternal relationship with him. We need to quit believing the lies of Satan about who we are and believe the truths of god.
If any of these signs are in your marriage i would urge you to call your pastor or Christian counselor and ask for their help. When you make the effort to save or strengthen your marriage you will never regret it personally and you will please God with the effort.