Forgiveness is not easy.
In fact, it goes against everything our natural instincts tell us to do. When someone hurts us, disappoints us, or lets us down, the world teaches us to hold on, get even, or walk away.
But God calls us to something higher.
In the book of Philemon, we see a powerful picture of forgiveness in action. Onesimus had wronged Philemon—he had taken what was not his and ran away. Yet through God’s providence, Onesimus encountered the Apostle Paul, gave his life to Christ, and was transformed.
Now Paul sends him back with a message: make things right—and forgive.
But how do we actually do that?
Paul gives us a key that many overlook:
Prevailing prayer.
The Tool God Gives Us to Forgive
As Paul closes his letter, he makes a simple but powerful statement:
“I trust that through your prayers I shall be granted to you.”
At first glance, this may seem like a passing comment. But it reveals something critical—Paul believed prayer would move the situation forward.
He understood that if reconciliation was going to happen between Philemon and Onesimus, it would not come through human effort alone. It would come through prayer.
And the same is true for us.
If you are struggling to forgive, if you feel stuck, if you’ve hit a wall in your heart—the tool God has given you is prayer.
Understanding How Prayer Works
Sometimes we struggle with prayer because we misunderstand it.
God always answers prayer—but not always the way we expect.
- Sometimes God says yes
- Sometimes God says wait
- Sometimes God gives a different answer
- And sometimes God says no
God’s answers are not based on our desires—but on what is best for our spiritual life.
There are times when what we want would actually pull us away from Him. And in His wisdom, He protects us—even when we don’t understand it.
That’s why we don’t trust God because He always says yes—we trust Him because of who He is.
The Expression of Prevailing Prayer
Real prayer is not casual or routine—it is heartfelt and intentional.
James reminds us that sometimes we don’t receive because we either don’t ask or we ask with the wrong motives. Prayer is not about getting what we want—it’s about aligning our hearts with God’s will.
When it comes to forgiveness, this is where the battle begins.
Instead of praying for justice or revenge, God calls us to pray for something much harder:
- That He would change our hearts
- That He would purify our motives
- That He would help us bless those who hurt us
If you’re struggling to forgive, the starting point is simple:
Get on your knees and ask God to help you pray for that person.
The Expectation of Prevailing Prayer
Paul believed something deeply about prayer:
- Prayer moves the heart of God
- Prayer moves the hand of God
Throughout Scripture, we see this again and again:
- Hannah prayed—and God gave her a son
- Moses prayed—and God spared a nation
- Esther prayed—and God protected His people
- Jonah prayed—and God preserved his life
God has chosen to work through the prayers of His people.
That means your prayers matter.
Instead of trying to fix people, control situations, or force outcomes—God calls you to pray.
In your marriage, in your family, in your church:
Stop trying to fix people—and start praying for them.
The Extent of Prevailing Prayer
Paul was sitting in prison under Roman authority. From a human perspective, his situation looked final.
But Paul didn’t appeal to Rome—he appealed to heaven.
There is a higher authority than any government, any system, or any circumstance:
The Lord Jesus Christ.
Prayer connects you to that authority.
And sometimes, God’s greatest work through prayer is not changing your situation—but changing you.
Prayer brings you to a place of humility. It softens your heart. It aligns your will with God’s will.
And that is exactly what you need if you are going to forgive.
Forgiveness Is a Gift, Not a Transaction
One of the most important truths we must understand is this:
Forgiveness is not based on what someone deserves.
If forgiveness depended on someone earning it, none of us would ever receive it.
God forgave us when we didn’t deserve it. And He calls us to do the same.
The question is not:
“Do they deserve forgiveness?”
The question is:
“Do I want to be like Jesus?”
Jesus forgave even those who crucified Him—before they ever repented.
Prayer Changes You So You Can Forgive
Here is the truth many people miss:
God uses prayer to change your heart.
You may start praying for someone out of obedience.
But over time, God softens your spirit.
He removes bitterness.
He replaces anger with grace.
It is hard to stay angry at someone you are consistently praying for.
That’s why prayer is so powerful.
Forgiveness Is Not the Same as Trust
Forgiveness does not mean you ignore wisdom.
You can forgive someone and still set boundaries.
You can release the offense without restoring full trust.
Forgiveness frees your heart. Trust must be rebuilt over time.
God is not asking you to place yourself back into harmful situations—but He is calling you to release the weight of unforgiveness.
What Kind of Life Will You Choose?
Unforgiveness destroys relationships.
It’s why people leave churches.
It’s why marriages fall apart.
It’s why families stay divided.
But forgiveness restores.
It reflects the heart of Christ.
It shows the world what grace looks like.
It creates relationships that honor God.
So the question is:
What do you want your life to reflect?
Take the First Step Today
If there is someone you are struggling to forgive, start here:
- Pray for them
- Ask God to change your heart
- Release the offense to Him
- Choose forgiveness—even when you don’t feel it
You don’t have to do it in your own strength.
God will give you the grace—but it begins with prayer.
In Christ, There Is Hope Worth Having
Forgiveness may feel impossible—but with God, it is always possible.
Through prayer, God can soften your heart, restore relationships, and help you live in freedom.
And as you walk this journey, remember:
You are forgiven—so you can forgive.